Letting Go of ControlMay 14, 2021
“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” Ann Landers
Let go and watch them grow.
Everyone’s potential grows when we nurture independence.
If we think of these three enabling words, “Children are Capable.”
From birth, we can trust our beautiful babies. We can trust when they cry that they need us to respond and comfort them. We can trust when they are frustrated. We will notice and listen to their feelings. It’s a myth that meeting a baby or child’s needs spoils them and makes them weak and less resilient. Science shows us that the more we comfort with connection, emotional awareness and growth mindset communication, the stronger and more resilient a child will become.
Independence relies on our ability to give it. It’s being able to let go of control and muster up the courage to let children make mistakes and learn from them. It's being able to let go of control to draw on our inner patience, acceptance and encouragement children need when practising all those things they need to learn day in and day out, to one day be able to do things for themselves.
We all know as adults caring for children that many things are easier done ourselves BUT what would that provide children.
What would they gain from us doing things for them that they can learn to do for themselves?
What teachable moments would be lost?
Giving up control requires us to use growth mindset language that looks towards nurturing a child's inner qualities of persistence, confidence, kindness, patience, perseverance, hope and optimism. AND oh so many more!
What small steps can you take to let go of control?
Can you leave the bed wrinkly and not quite perfect if your child attempts to make it? Can you wait it out as your child attempts their shoelaces or finding the puzzle piece? Can you ask your child to water the garden?
Can you teach your child a skill you have wanted them to learn and remember its baby steps, and it takes practice?
What choices can you give the children around their learning?
How can you encourage the art of practice?
Helping your class understand that learning something independently may require support and require a lot of committed practice.
What words can you use to help children to trust themselves to have a go?
How do you acknowledge and give meaningful praise when you see independence in action?
Be the enabler in a child's life to champion those inner qualities we want for all children and the adults in their lives.
Kids in Harmony
Behaviour Support Coach
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